2 dumb 2 tame by Mia Pinchoff

Just got dental coverage for the first time in years so I wanted to get my teeth cleaned. Not going to lie the dentist was kinda sus. The cleaning was a little haphazard and they left that tiny vacuum in my mouth and walked away while it sucked onto my dingle dangle. Also there was a beefed, sweaty man in the bathroom soooooooo.......

People talk about the "terrible twos" but I always thought it was just a saying until I had to babysit babysit my nephew while I visited my family in Connecticut. It wasn't all bad - sometimes he's funny, sometimes he's cute, but overall he's kinda terrifying.

I don't know what it is but women's clothing makes no sense to me. Why does everything have to have the word "cream" on it? What does that mean? What are they trying to say?!?! I recently started shopping in the boys section - turns out the t-shirt selection is significantly better.

My parents moved out of New York last year and needed to get rid of a bunch of old stuff that they had accumulated over the years. I offered to sell some of the nicer stuff in exchange for a small commission (a girl's gotta make cash during covid somehow.) I sold a rug for them two months ago which was pretty easy but had no idea how complicated it would be to sell an original Peanuts cartoon that they had for some reason. 

Hi, this is Mia. I'm going to be writing these descriptions in the first person from how on. Is it weird? Idk maybe. But I thought it might be more fun.

Recently Mia’s husband got into chess which is...unfortunate. She rants about how Queen's Gambit would have been better without chess and how pawns look like nips.

Mia and her husband generate what seems like TOO much garbage for two people - even taking into account how much Mia likes to upcycle. She dove into the world of waste reducing lifestyles and found a ton of info that's both confusing and sometimes gross.

Everyone in Mia's life has watched The Bachelor except for her - her friends, her sisters, and even her husband. She finally takes the plunge and genuinely can't believe what she's seeing, starting with the fact that it's TWO HOURS LONG!

Mia's building recently had a break in and the management company hasn't done anything to fix the situation so she's taking things into her own hands. Her "Home Alone" security measures include pepper gel and a vacuum cleaner with a cat head mounted on top. 

Mia interviews Galit Friedlander a choreographer, podcaster, trainer, and her oldest friend.

Mia recently saw Anaconda, which...wow Jon Voight is all over the place but her thoughts about the movie quickly turns to the gross and sexual when she discovers that snakes have two penises.

Mia's husband has been given her crap about how long it takes her to get ready. Recently he asked her to go over her shower routine but she'd rather have you be the judge - spoiler warning. It's kind of ridiculous...I who else starts off their shower by dust busting the entire bathroom??

Mia's garden had an aphid infestation, so right before new year she bought 1500 ladybugs because apparently they like to chow down on aphids. The only problem is that she only realized she's afraid of ladybugs after she bought them.

Did everyone spend their first stimulus check on a Peloton?

Mia doesn't know anything about basketball. The only time she ever sees it is when her husband has it on in the living room but apparently it's pre-season! So she's decided to take look at the NBA names and logos and, like an octopus, make a completely uninformed prediction who will win the NBA finals in 2021.

Apparently, Mia only watches shows that no one else has seen (Getting On...anyone? It's fantastic). So she watched the two top rated comedies from last season Young Sheldon and Mom to see what all the fuss was about.

This year is a disaster but that doesn't mean holiday gifts should be too. Mia goes over how covid and quarantine life has changed the kinds of gifts she wants to get for her family as well as the kinds of gifts she wants for herself.

Mia has been skeptical of companies pushing self care for a while - mostly because she's not good at it. However, it turns out that other people, smarter people...like doctors and scientists and stuff, also think there's reason to give self care branded rosé some side eye.

Mia wonders if hypnotherapy would be able to help her get over her fears of filming herself (if you follow her on instagram or youtube you know she never posts vlog style videos), her pickiness about elastic, and her inability to wear mismatching socks.

Mia has a tiny collection... a collection of tiny things not one that doesn't have a lot of things in it. She doesn't know why she feels the need to keep things so she set about figuring out why - using science, which she has a hard time understanding.

Mia has a love hate relationship with zoom and by that I mean mostly hate. Teaching her 70 year old uncles and aunts how to mute themselves was a struggle and she finds it uncomfortable sending selfies to her dermatologist.

In the last six weeks or so a suspicious amount of stuff has broken in Mia's apartment and her landlord isn't exactly the best when it comes to fixing things well or quickly. She thought about trying to fix some stuff herself but it turns out she didn't inherit the "handy" gene from her mom. To be honest, she doesn't know the difference between a washer, an anchor, and a nut.

Mia's husband is difficult to buy gifts for in general but during quarantine it was basically impossible. Mia goes over how she gave away all of her best ideas and how everything that could have went wrong did.

New York is officially dead to Mia but mostly because her parents are selling the apartment she grew up in. She's going through some things and is worried that her Mom threw away all of her stuff.  Also, apparently she and her sisters had lice all the time when they were kids...I don't know. Things got weird.

Mia didn't have a good college experience socially or with her education. She had to change her life plan shortly before applying and didn't have time to consider what she actually wanted to do. She breaks down why she ended up going to NYU and why it was probably the wrong decision.

Mia ventured out from her house for the first time in months to get mochi from Fugetsu-do, a 117 year old mochi shop in the Little Tokyo section of downtown LA. 

An article was recently published that describes how people "vacationing" in the Hamptons are paying five hundred dollars for a single, rapid results Covid test. Mia expresses her frustration that, not only are the tests not very accurate, so it's really just for show but these folks are so painfully out of touch. 

Mia has a conversation with her husband's cousin to get an Indian perspective on the reality show. They cover the unique cultural pressures that are present within the Indian community, the treatment of men versus women, rituals surrounding Indian marriages, and some of the show's best moments.

Somehow Indian Matchmaking is the first full season of reality tv Mia has ever watched. She also happens to married to a man who's half-indian and may or may not have forced her to watch it.

Mia broke her pinky toe - it's tiny, it's embarrassing, and now it's broken but is it useless otherwise? Mia does a deep dive on vestigial structures in the body - like male nipples - and even vestigial behaviors in animal - like fake lizard sex. 

After last week's episode Mia felt that she needed to get some real world opinions rather than relying on blog posts and listicles to inform her opinion about pregnancy. So she interviewed her mom, mother-in-law, and a friend via Zoom to find out more about their pregnancy experiences. 

No, Mia isn't pregnant, despite how much her mother would like her to be but a lot of her friends have had kids or are currently pregnant and she's been thinking about it more. 

Mia thinks she may have found a new hobby and explores why she never had one before. During quarantine Mia has become obsessed with crocheting. She's shares what she's made and tries to examine why she never had a real hobby growing up. For every episode of the podcast Mia donates to Black Girls Code. You can find more information about the organization on blackgirlscode.com. Mia is a writer and stand up comedian. You can find her on instagram and twitter under Mia Pinchoff.

Mia unpacks her love of crime podcasts and tries to figure out what draws her to them. 

Mia is back with her first quarantine pod. She details her trouble sleeping and how we may have made it too complicated for our own good.

Mia ties to distill her rules for flying that everyone should follow. She recounts the series of incidents that led her to create her rules about respecting other passengers physical, auditory, olfactory, and emotional space - most of them boil down to wear socks and don't take off your shoes when you don't have to.

Mia recently learned that not only care cat penises barbed so that the female can't get away - I know it's horrifying - but they also are bad at peeing.

We are back with a new season and a new format. This podcast has changed and morphed over many episodes… and so have we! Me and my producer-husband (proband? Husber?) have learned a ton along the way and are super grateful to everyone that has been along for the ride but we also started to feel like the podcast was losing momentum and purpose… gross. So we decided to stop (get married) and re think the format so we can bring you the freshness you deserve!

Mia sits down with comedian and former Veep writer Emilia Barrosse to talk about their mutual love of cats, how you can still be a feminist and be uncomfortable with mucus membranes, and how Taylor Swift could be doing so, so much more damn it!

Mia sits down with fellow comedian Cat Adell to talk about her viral video Mind Your Own F*ucking Business, her rescue dogs with special needs, and her work with puppets.

Alice shares some facts about the porn industry that Alice has learned since starting her podcast. Mia also asks her about how her crayons were banned from Amazon. Alice also breaks down some vintage porn recommendations.

Mia sits down to talk with Jeremy Long about the movie's on his Google Knowledge Panel and how jealous she is of his. They also research the unfortunate story of the other Jeremy Long and Mia shares what will cause her to walk out of a horror movie....it's ridiculous list.

Mia reacts to the craziest invention of 2019 - the SALMON CANON. She also has a ton of opinions on dress slits and a disturbing sleep hood that's definitely not allowed on airplanes.

Mia covers how a fart gave a criminal away to the cops, her upcoming wedding, and a singing pickle.

Mia details her first car accident, explains a fight between an amateur MMA fighter and Vita Coco, and laments that Alabama is now under his eye.

Mia sits down with Von Decarlo to discuss her new Patreon, her stand up journey, with a few basketball related questions from my listeners.

Mia sits down with Roten and Arik to talk about their new app BITS, a video editor and social platform aimed specifically at funny creators and their fans.

Mia talks about how her year ended, her resolutions for next year, and how Louis capped off his 2018 in the most fitting way possible...by spewing all over some stage on Long Island.

Mia sits down to talk about some little known facts about turkeys, the german word for nipple, and some weed for your undercarriage.

Mia sits down to talk about meeting her new godson and what her life is like now as a Godfather, the excitement of flying Southwest, and how it's only art if you can eat it.

Mia sits down to talk about how the new Kanye is much, much weirder than the old Kanye. She also covers the history of Goop's name as well as her love for Gwyneth in Sliding Doors. She also breaks down how gross airport security is because she's about to head to New York...she's really looking forward to it.

Mia sits down to talk about how she's excited to be a god father to her soon to be nephew. She also asks why Slow TV, a Norwegian television phenomenon about every day things broadcast in their entirety, exists. The episode she watched was a train ride to Oslo - the full ride, from the front of the train, with no cuts....but why?

Mia sits down to discuss Giuliani's under chin hang, how funny it was to see the reporters running out of Manafort's trial to delivery the news, and a croc who was just chillaxin, relaxin, actin all cool on a pool noodle.

Mia sits down to talk about how she saw a little, green inchworm poop and how three idiots tried to steal a shark named Helen from the San Diego Aquarium by dressing her up as a baby.

Mia sits down to talk about Trump making kindergarten level excuses for babbling like an idiot in Helsinki and kicks off a new segment But Why!? where she checks out people who really have no reason to be doing what they’re doing. In this premiere double feature Mia highlights Shridhar Chillal the man who held the record for the longest fingernails on a single hand. He recently had them cut at the Ripley’s Believe It or Not museum in Times Square. She also checks out Ashrita Furman’s (world record holder for most Guinness World Records) newest record - most watermelons sliced on stomach in one minute.

Mia sits down to talk about weird fetish vacuum devices, why some words don't deserve their own definition, and ways to keep her cat from interrupting the recording.

Mia sits down to talk about the world avuncular, peacocks that fight with cars, and erotica featuring the digital assistant from Microsoft Word.

Mia sits down to talk about how otters are like ferrets and ferrets are just little legged snakes in jackets. She also talks about her experience at a deviled egg cooking contest and explains why Rossanne's bar is so low.

Ep 78

Ep 77 - Mia sits down to talk about Googles new AI, Duplex, that can make phone calls all on it's own, strange and sometimes uncomfortable mother's day gifts, and how she's going to start calling her butt a scalloped bottom.

Mia rants about her prematurely aging body, German sex doll brothels, and why she hates Facebook. She also touches on the incomprehensible stupidity of T.J. Miller and the middle English word - Flibbertigibbet.

Mia sits down to talk about Dactylitis, which is basically sausage finger syndrome, her experience baby sitting her neighbor's bunny rabbit (complete with a list of weird bunny facts), and Rachel Maddow's personal life in the Berkshires.

Mia sits down with voice over artist Grey Griffin to talk about how Grey is able to keep all of her voices straight, how they are both different kind of psychopaths, how Mia's childhood friend may have been a ghost, as well as their comedy pet peeves.

Episode 73

Mia's word of the day is ACNESTIS.

Mia sits down to talk about how you can't make a sandwich with just stupid on two slices of stupid. She also explores what it will take for Melania to reach her breaking point and what will happen when she does and discovers that you can buy VERY realistic silicon feet online that are for "modeling."

Mia brags about her pilot that made it into the quarter finals of Screencraft's Pilot Launch contest.  She also asks if it's really possible to swallow your tongue, talks about how disappointing Louis C.K. has been, and checks out a silicon vagina mask in dumb sh*t for sale.